Charlie Sheen -- No Rehab for Now.....

Charlie Sheen ... is back home, acknowledging he screwed up in New York City, but has no plans to return to rehab ... sources connected with the actor tell TMZ.



People who have direct contact with Charlie tell us ... he knows he messed up early Tuesday morning but wants to "move on."  

Charlie went home Tuesday night after landing in L.A., and his plan in the next two days is to nail the 4 pages of dialogue for a small movie role he's doing for a friend.

After that, it's on to "Two and a Half Men," which resumes shooting next week.

So no rehab ... at least that's the way Charlie feels tonight.

I Had Dinner with Courteney Last Night:David Arquette

David Arquette says he still has such a good relationship with his wife Courteney Cox -- despite their trial separation -- that the two had dinner together just last night. 



Arquette appeared on Live! with Regis and Kelly this morning ... and explained that he and Cox are simply in different places in their lives ... she's looking for calm and "growth" -- and he's "feeling a little wild!!!"

Arquette is also adamant that he never cheated on 
Courteney -- despite an upcoming report from an 
unnamed outlet that will say otherwise. 

Update: David told Howard Stern today that there was no pre-nup involved in his marriage to Courteney ... but insisted that money is not on his mind.

Justin Bieber -- King of the Lakers

Justin Bieber sat courtside at the Los Angeles Lakers home opener last night -- and judging by these photos, dude worked the floor better than Kobe. 

Bieber got some face time with some of the most famous people in the Staples Center -- includingDenzel Washington, David Beckham, Jaden Smith ... and of course, the Laker Girls. 

The 16-year-old even got some quality time with Phil Jackson's brand new championship ring. 

Bieber wins.

Charlie Sheen -- Free and Clear in Colorado

Our sources -- and they are connected -- tell us, the Pitkin County D.A. has "no interest" in opening a probation revocation case against Charlie.  The D.A. views Charlie's criminal case in Aspen as a "petty misdemeanor" and is not going to open a case involving a Los Angeles man who behaved badly in NYC.

We're told the D.A. views any investigation as a "waste of [Pitkin County] taxpayers' money."

As we previously reported, Sheen is still on probation in Aspen for another 7 days -- stemming from a Christmas Day domestic incident with his wife Brooke Mueller. 

So as far as Pitkin County is concerned, it's case closed.

Most Unnecessary Video Game Ever.......watch

Throughout the years, Nintendo has been the platform for some of the most memorable video game characters in history, includingSuper Mario, Link, and Donkey Kong.

Now, with Zoo Games' DS game Silly Bandz, we'll have some new characters to add to that list, including rabbit, dinosaur, and turtle!

We're REALLY not sure how badly the world needed a video game adaptation of Silly Bandz rubber bands, but regardless…now we've got one.

In the game, players are sent on tasks to free "Bandz" from capture by launching other Silly Bandz at the structures in which they're trapped. Yeah, it's pretty nonsensical confusing.

The games will ship with a set of twelve actual, not-virtual Silly Bandz, based on characters from the video game if you can really call them characters.

The game will also be released on iPhone, for all of you iPhone users out there who are also avid Silly Bandz enthusiasts.

Will U pick up the Silly Bandz game for DS? If not, what would U prefer to spend $29.99 on instead?

Since when is Melanie Griffith Crap-Inducing...???

On Monday night's Dancing With The Stars, Maksim Chmerkovskiyhad a situation with his pants.

No, not because he was wearing the tightest pair of leather slacks we've ever seen. Apparently, he was introduced to Melanie Griffithin the audience and the encounter almost made him "crap himself."

His words, not ours! He explains:

"Jamie Lee Curtis a big fan of the show and she's been coming every week. Yesterday, she calls me over and says, 'Hey, I have somebody for you to meet.' I'm not going to lie, I almost crapped myself and had a heart attack at the same time. To introduce me to Melanie Griffith, I know exactly who she is."

Okaaaaay.

But if you knew exactly who she is, then why did you get so excited???

We kid, we kid. We know she's a big deal…somewhat.

OMG! Imagine if she had brought Antonio with her? They would have had to change his pants twice!

Another WIN For Constance McMillen...!!!

Excellent!

A federal judge has ordered Mississippi's Itawamba County School District to pay the $81,000 in legal fees and expenses thatConstance McMillen incurred after having to bring them to court for banning her from her high school's prom - all because she wanted to bring her girlfriend as a date!

As they should! We're so thrilled that justice has been served!

Discrimination and bigotry have no place in this country, and ESPECIALLY not in schools!

Taylor Momsen.........Trick or Treat?

Looking like the Corpse Bride of Chucky, "Gossip Girl" star Taylor Momsen continued with her underage-goth-girl-rocker-peek-a-boo-leather-and-lace-fashion-zombie tour in West Hollywood last night.Believe it or not, the 17-year-old lead singer of The Pretty Reckless was not in costume for Halloween.

SF Pot Shop -- Dopest World Series Offer Ever

Adam Lambert has hit the studio again, and this time he's going acoustic!

Here's what Lambert had to say about his upcoming album:

"There is going to be an acoustic CD. I don't have an exact release date. Probably around Thanksgiving time — November, December. We went around Europe in the earlier part of this year, and here [in Australia], and we did a lot of promo."

More from Lambert:

"And so I had Monty, my guitar player, and my drummer at the time - and we just did very stripped-back versions of the songs… and then we also recorded some of the actual stuff from the Glam Nation tour. So it's going to be a mix of both."

We're def curious to hear what our Glambert will sound like when he goes acoustic.

Adam Lambert goes acoustic for Thanksgiving

Photog Claims Tila Tequila kidnapped his girlfriend......

Tila Tequila may have been out-crazied by an L.A. photographer who claims Tila, along with 4 armed men with guns, kidnapped his alleged girlfriend and threatened to kill him ... this according to court documents obtained by TMZ.

 Photographer Garry Sun filed an application for a restraining order in L.A. County Superior Court, claiming on October 19, Tila and the armed men drove to the Texas house of his alleged girlfriend, Shyla Jennings, kidnapped her, somehow got Shyla on a plane and flew her to L.A.

Sun claims Tila then threatened Shyla ... If anyone notified cops, she and Garry would be toast.

A judge has not ruled on the restraining order.  

Tila says Sun made the whole thing up and she's calling her lawyer.  Tila's lawyer calls the allegations, "patently absurd" ... and insists Sun is simply filing the lawsuit to "get back at [Tila]" after he was fired from his role on Tila's website. The lawyer adds, "[Sun] will undoubtedly be held accountable by appropriate authorities for making these false allegations."

Tila's Alleged Kidnap Victim: I Was Never Abducted............!!!

There's a MAJOR hole in a paparazzo's claim that Tila Tequila kidnapped his girlfriend Shyla Jennings -- Shyla Jennings says none of it ever happened.


TMZ just spoke to Shyla's rep, who told us, "Shyla was not kidnapped. She has no idea who Garry Sun[the photographer] is. This whole thing is fully fabricated."

As we first reported, Sun filed an application for a restraining order against Tila -- claiming she and four armed men kidnapped Shyla on October 19 and then threatened to kill him.

Giants Step Up to the Dinner Plate......World Series

The San Francisco Giants have already won Game 1 of the World Series ... based on pregame meals anyway -- 'cause the clubhouse menu is simply ridiculous and also delicious. TMZ Sports got a sneak peak at the pregame meal Executive Chef Joe Day is serving and the Giants locker room at AT&T Park sounds more like a five-star San Fran restaurant.

-Tri Tip
-Pork Tenderloin
-Chicken breast sandwich
-Brown rice
-Pork bean potato soup
-Mixed green salad

If the Giants are a little sluggish in the early innings ... we'll understand.  As for the Texas Rangers -- no chef for you! The Giants tell us their opponent will have to settle for a catered meal.

Miley Cyrus' Parents -- The Marriage is Over

Miley Cyrus' parents -- Billy Ray Cyrus and Tish -- are calling it quits after 17 years of marriage. 


According to People.com, the couple filed divorce docs in Tennessee yesterday -- citing irreconcilable differences. 

Billy and Tish -- who have 5 children together -- released a statement saying, "As you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for our family. We are trying to work through some personal matters. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers."

Randi and Evi Quaid......Sprung from Canadian Pokey

Evi and Randy Quaid were just released from custody in Vancouver ... after officials learned Evi's father may have been born on Canadian soil. 

 The two were being held on an active warrant out of Santa Barbara stemming from an alleged squatting incident at a property they once owned. 

The decision to release the couple was made after a hearing with the Immigration and Refugee Board. Evi received an "unconditional release" in light of the information regarding her father's birthplace ... and Randy was released after posting a $10,000 bond. 

Randy may be required to attend another hearing before he's permanently off the hook.

But the most important part -- the two will be reunited with their cute little doggie in just a matter of hours.

Beastie Boys Release An Album, Confuse The World

As of last week, an announcement was made confirming that theBeastie Boys would not be releaseing their new album Hot Sauce Committee Part 1, for reasons unknown. However, though the disc was not to make it to shelves, the sequel to it, Hot Sauce Committee Part 2 was to be released in its place.

Following so far? Okay…

Now, sources are confirming that the songs from Hot Sauce Committee Part 1 will be put on Hot Sauce Committee Part 2 and will be called Hot Sauce Committee Part 2 instead of Hot Sauce Committee Part 1.

Got it? No? Let's see if Adam "MCA" Yauch can explain it better. He sent this email out to fans to try and clear up the confusion. He wrote:

"I know it's weird and confusing, but at least we can say unequivocally that Hot Sauce Committee Part 2 is coming out on time, which is more than I can say about Part 1, and really is all that matters in the end. We just kept working and working on various sequences for part 2, and after a year and half of spending days on end in the sequencing room trying out every possible combination, it finally became clear that this was the only way to make it work. Strange but true, the final sequence for Hot Sauce Committee Part 2 works best with all its songs replaced by the 16 tracks we originally had lined up in pretty much the same order we had them in for Hot Sauce Committee Part 1. So we've come full circle."

After going around and around in circles!

So basically, they are only putting out one of the two discs they had planned and whenever that second one drops, it will be under a different name.

Teen mom loses her baby.....!!!!

This girl has got a world of problems!!!!

Then again, she pretty much brought them all onto herself. (We still feel sorta bad for her though.)

Teen Mom star Amber Portwood has reportedly lost custody of her 2-year-old daughter, Leah. Or at least, she is about to.

Sources close to Amber's baby daddy Gary reveal that almost a week ago, Amber dropped the baby off at Gary's house and then vanished. She hasn't visited, called, texted, emailed or anything in six days. She seems to have cut off all contact with Gary and by association, her own daughter!

That is not going to bide well with the judge when your domestic violence case comes up! He might revoke your custody rights right off the bat!

Besides, what kind of mother just abandons her child like that? What kind of mother could stand leaving something so precious and not even care to check up on it!

Christopher Nolan Announces The Title Of His..........New Batman Movie!!!

Finally! Some official details!

Director Christopher Nolan has announced the title of the third installment of his Batman movies, and it will officially be called The Dark Knight Rises!

Inneresting!

He also revealed that, despite much speculation, The Riddler will not be the film's villain!

He explains:"We'll use many of the same characters as we have all along, and we'll be introducing some new ones."

Eh - we're not too thrilled with the title, but then again, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight aren't exactly innovative, either!

Lame about The Riddler, though! We really wanted to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt rawk that part! But hopefully this means Catwomanwill be showing up for a much-needed dose of ferocity!

Kung Fu Master Hits the Nail on the Headstand.........

Don't try this at home -- unless you're a thick-skinned Kung Fu expert with incredible balance and a high threshold for pain. Professional badass Li Xin recently showed the world his incredibly awesome and equally ridiculous ability to balance his entire body weight on top of nail ... using only his tender dome skin as a point of contact.

Bernie Madoff.......elling his soles!!!!!

The feds ain't done with Bernie Madoff just yet -- in fact, Uncle Sam is about to auction off a bunch of the dude's expensive stuff ... starting with the Ponzi schemer's ridiculous shoe collection.  

The auction -- administered by the U.S. Marshals Service to benefit Madoff's victims -- is scheduled to kick off November 13th in New York ... and features over 400 pieces of Bernie's personal property, jewelry, and antiques.

72-year-old Madoff -- the mega-investor who defrauded his clients of nearly $65 billion in the biggest Ponzi scheme ever -- just finished his first year behind bars ... which means he's got 149 left to go.

'Transformers 3' Victim's Tab -- $350k ... and Rising???

Medical bills are rolling in for the "Transformers 3" extra who was brain-damaged on set -- and the early total is more than $350,000 ... an astronomical tab Paramount Studios says it will foot.
Gabriela Cedillo's attorney Todd Smith tells us the 350k only covers her initial month-long hospital stay -- and does not include other costs like an airlift, ambulance rides, and the rehab facility where Gabriela is now. Gabriela was partially paralyzed when a stunt went horribly wrong back in September. Paramount -- which is producing "Transformers 3" -- has said it will pay for Gabriela's medical expenses

There's no 3-way sex tape!..........Lindsay Lohan

Facebook is buzzing with news of a Lindsay Lohan three-way sex tape -- news that we've learned is patently untrue ... at least that's what Lindsay is telling her closest friends. 

We're told Lindsay just became aware of a Facebook page teasing, "Lindsey Lohan Just Leaked Having a THREEWAY on Camera."

A message on the page continues, "Don't ask how i got this ... NO ONE ELSE HAS SEEN THIS VIDEO." But sources close to Lindsay tell us the actress is adamant that no 3-way sex tape exists. Sorry guys .. and some ladies. 

Gettin 'Creamed' By the Prison Chef.....T.I.

It ain't The Ivy ... but TMZ has learned T.I. will have a few culinary options when he begins his stint in an Arkansas prison on November 1st -- options that include something called "creamed beef."

If you recall, T.I. was sentenced to 11 months behind bars for violating his probation, stemming from a federal gun conviction back in 2009 ... but enough history ... here's the prison menu: 

Breakfast:                              Lunch:                                                                  Dinner:
An Orange                              Fried Fish or Baked Fish or PB&J                  Chicken Patty or Chicken Salad or Grilled Cheese
Hot Oatmeal                          Mac and Cheese or Baked Potato or Peas  Baked Potato or Navy Beans or Salad
Creamed Beef                      Corn Bread or Wheat Bread                      Hamburger Bun or Wheat Bread
Home Fried Potatoes          Desert or Fresh Apple
Biscuits or Wheat Bread
Skim Milk 

                                                                                 OOO!!! are you hungry!??

I Promise to Not Ruin Your Movie....Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen swears he won't let his NY hotel drama get in the way of a promise he made to some close friends ... and vows he WILL be on set to make a cameo appearance in a movie shoot this week.

Long before the hotel meltdown, Sheen committed to play himself in a flick called "She Wants Me" -- a romantic comedy about some dude who can't comprehend why his hot GF loves him. 

According to producer Danny Roth, Sheen "has been in constant communication with the production ... there is no doubt he will show up to filming." Roth also says Sheen spoke with the director yesterday -- and informed him that he was even making notes about the script on his flight back from New York.

Roth notes that Sheen has a key role in the flick -- so if he doesn't show up, "It would force us to reshoot a lot of what has been shot."

But even with the crazy drama, Roth, along with producers Christine and Mark Holder, have faith in their friend ... telling us, "We're absolutely not worried."

.......Kids Comfort Mom...??

Just hours after Billy Ray Cyrus filed for divorce ...his soon-to-be ex-wife Tish was out in Los Angeles, getting some serious emotional support from her two kids. While Miley was MIA, her younger siblings Braison and Noah spent some quality time with their mom ... whose eyes were hidden behind dark sunglasses. Tish's forearm tattoo -- which reads "She wants to fly" -- was in plain sight, however. 

As we previously reported, Billy Ray blamed the split on irreconcilable differences. The couple has been married for 17 years.

Charlie Sheen got ticked over missing watch...........

Sources tell TMZ ... what really set Charlie Sheen off in his hotel room early Tuesday morning was that he discovered one of his incredibly expensive watches was missing ... and he believed his porn star date stole it. Charlie has a watch collection valued at $5.6 million, according to documents he drew up with Brooke Mueller in anticipation of a divorce.

Our sources say it was the missing watch -- not Charlie's wallet as previously reported -- that made him go ballistic. 

Our law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... during the NYPD's interview with Capri Anderson, aka Christina Walsh ... after the incident she told cops Charlie became irate, started throwing chairs and turning over tables and fell on the ground.  That's when she went to the bathroom and locked herself inside.

We're told Anderson is telling friends she did not steal Charlie's watch.

Billy Ray Cyrus Divorce..........He Pulled the Trigger???

Billy Ray Cyrus made the first move in his divorce from Tish -- filing divorce papers yesterday in a Tennessee court. According to the divorce papers. Billy Ray is asking for "shared" custody of the couple's 3 minor children. 

He's also asking the court to "approve a parenting plan" to be signed by both Billy Ray and Tish ... and to make an "equitable distribution of the marital estate."

As we previously reported, Billy Ray chalked up the split to irreconcilable differences.

There are no boos in Sarah Palin's world

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas perform on Dancing with the Stars. Photograph: Adam Larkey/AP

Finally, there is troubling news from the set of America's Dancing With the Stars, where Sarah Palin's shy and retiring daughter Bristol is one of the contestants.
Mommie dearest was in the studio to watch Bristol take on the quickstep this week, but just prior to her beginning a supportive interview, a wave of booing swept through the audience. "Why is there booing?" wondered show host Brooke Burke. "There's booing in the ballroom . . . I don't know why."
I've got an inkling meself, Brooke – but it's encouraging to find people have since suggested the boos were for something else entirely.
Still, Sarah does have a preternatural gift for calling black as white. Lost in Showbiz read her enchanting book Going Rogue last weekend, and while it's hard to pick a favourite passage, special mention must be made of the bit where she explains that the New Deal caused the Great Depression. Based on this model of thinking, there's every reason to believe the boos were correlated, not causal, and we must wish Bristol all the best as she continues to embody the lives of ordinary Americans through the medium of lucrative primetime dance.

When Paris Hilton met Nancy Reagan

A young Paris Hilton with Nancy Reagan. Photograph: parishilton.com

Behold, above, a newly unearthed photo of one of the key American figures of recent decades, granting an audience to Nancy Reagan. On the right, of course, is Nancy, pictured during her time as first lady of the United States. On the left, however, is a little lady who would go on to eclipse even the B-movie actress who ended up in the White House as a symbol of the transformative power of the American Dream, and the infinite possibilities of life in that golden land. She is, of course, Miss Paris Hilton – heiress, celebutante, DUI star, and coiner of mid-noughties hipster catchphrase "that's hot".
Now, you might assume the picture to be part of a newly released presidential archive, or perhaps the centrepiece of a major Smithsonian exhibition entitled something like: "Eleanor's Heirs: from Roosevelt to Richie." But it was in fact tweeted this week by Paris herself, who elaborated that the historic meeting took place at New York's Waldorf Astoria Hotel, presumably some time in 1983.
The pair's body language will not have escaped your attention – see how Paris's determined forward advance evokes the pioneer spirit, while Nancy's ignored hand is more reminiscent of the pliant helpmeet tradition without which America could never have been built.
As for the minutes of this extraordinary meeting, they remain undisclosed. Perhaps a second after the shutter snapped, Paris gave definitive intellectual shape to the still-sketchy series of decisions that would come to be known as the Reagan Doctrine, and urged the invasion of Grenada. Then again, perhaps she simply burbled "talk to you never" at the first lady. But we must salute her generosity in posting the picture now, clearly anxious that Nancy's twilight years should not see the American public forget with what interesting individuals she rubbed shoulders – and indeed shared carpet time – over the years.

The harshness of reality shows

Charlotte Church, who decided not to marry Gavin Henson after he appeared on a reality show. Photograph: Simone Joyner/Getty Images Europe

A New Jersey restaurateur, Joe Cerniglia, killed himself in New York this week. His body was found in the Hudson river. Normally, the lonely death of an indebted father of three would make few headlines. But Cerniglia had appeared on Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, and been told that unless he sorted his business out it was "about to fucking swim down the Hudson". See that coincidence? Newsworthy.
It's not only that though. Another person, Rachel Brown, who had been on another Ramsay show, Hell's Kitchen, also killed herself, also in the US. This death wasn't newsworthy until now, under Oscar Wilde's rule about misfortune and carelessness.
What, quite, is being said about Ramsay here, though? That appearing on his show makes people suicidal? The Cerniglia family has nothing but praise for Ramsay, whose advice helped Joe to turn around his restaurant, if not his debt. What possible influence Ramsay had on Brown remains entirely opaque.
Maybe it all just feeds the belief that being in the presence of celebrities is "transformative" for better or worse, or that reality shows are weird and creepy. Take Gavin Henson. His former partner, Charlotte Church, says his appearance on the reality show 71 Degrees North changed him, and prompted her decision not to marry him. What was the specific problem, though? Had he become a bit cold?

Tony Curtis and Tutankhamun: coffin hoarders

Hoarders: Tony Curtis and Tutankhamun. Photograph: Composite

Tony Curtis was buried on Monday with many of his earthly possessions, according to the Las Vegas Sun. But how does he compare with that other famous tomb hoarder?
Tony Curtis
His Stetson hat.
Seven packets of Splenda.
An iPhone.
A travelling bag packed full of favourite photos and letters.
A model of his 25th-anniversary Trans Am.
Driving gloves.
Cash.
A pair of his grandson Nicholas's baby shoes.
Two watches.
Stones he had collected.
Tutankhamun
139 ebony, ivory, silver and gold walking sticks.
Musical instruments.
Lamps.
Six chariots.
Two thrones.
Ritual beds and headrests.
Gilded statues. Chests.
Clothing, including tunics, kilts, gloves, scarves and headdresses.
Ebony gaming board.
30 jars of wine.

Gamu's X Factor exit: Cowell always wins

Gamu Nhengu was eliminated from The X Factor on Sunday night. Photograph: Ken McKay

Death threats, Robert Mugabe, comments from the foreign secretary, calls for a judicial review – ladies and gentleman, it's popular light entertainment show The X Factor!
A few decades ago, ITV's early evening slot was occupied by AJP Taylor, who garnered ratings in their millions for delivering straight-to-camera lectures on subjects such as the great war and the Russian Revolution. (TEXT 50741 if you think Lenin invented the Iron Curtain, or 50742 if you think it was essentially constructed against him by the capitalist European powers.) But as you'll be more than aware, Toto, we're not in Kansas any more, and the presiding genius of today's schedules is a man whom any regular readers of this column have come to know as the Karaoke Sauron. He is, of course, Simon Cowell, and he's currently beaming his subliminally hypnotic masterplan into your home twice-weekly.
Taylor's programmes were widely regarded by fellow academics as frightfully vulgar, so one can only speculate about what the professors and proletariat of yesteryear would have made of the endless cavalcade of snot and tears that now constitutes primetime entertainment, or indeed of the Facebook group "Cheryl Cole to die a painful death", or the viral BlackBerry message informing the Chezza that "Every1 has a bullet for you".
But first, a recap. On Sunday night's edition of The X Factor, nation's sweetheart Cheryl Cole opted against putting the sweetly talented young Zimbabwean Gamu Nhengu through to the live studio rounds of the competition. Instead, she preferred to advance two ladies who had . . . well, I believe the technical term is "lost their shiz" during their auditions, one of whom presumably reminds Cheryl of a particularly damaged version of herself.
Alas, Gamu has since suffered what tabloid journalists traditionally refer to as a "double blow", in which two disproportionate setbacks are yoked together to imply some kind of parity, when none exists. A classic "double blow" would be Jordan failing to land some knicker contract in the same week as discovering her child was blind and afflicted by a growth defect. And so with Gamu. Not only has she missed the chance to lose out on a quarter-finals place to 1 Direction's version of You Raise Me Up, but she is likely to be deported back to Zimbabwe, after her mother's visa expired in August and the application to extend it was turned down. It seems that not only did Mrs Ngazana make an administrative error, resulting in the application being judged "out of time", but she has reportedly claimed benefits to which she was not entitled.
Well. I need hardly tell you that the Sun, Mail and Daily Star have finally found the sort of benefit-dependent immigrant family they can get behind, and their ability to hold two contradictory positions at once has rarely been more grimly hilarious. Thus it was that Cheryl woke to bleeding heart Mail headlines about Gamu's "visa woes", with wickedly disingenuous reports larding on the accusations that she'd sparked a "race row".
So Cheryl's security has been stepped up after imbecilic threats on her safety, while the roads arounds Gamu's Clackmannanshire home were closed after crowds gathered bearing banners protesting her X Factor elimination.
Encouragingly, the matter has already reached the offices of state, with foreign secretary William Hague accosted about it at the Tory conference, only to declare: "We mustn't do things differently just because people are in the news."
It's not a view shared by Scotland's external affairs minister Fiona Hyslop, who has written to the home secretary and the immigration minister asking them to reconsider on the basis that: "Gamu has demonstrated that she is a hugely talented singer and a great asset to Scotland and the country's music scene."
Meanwhile, the family's lawyer seeks a judicial review, while Gamu's MP Gordon Banks has written to the Scottish secretary. "What we've got to hope," Gordon tells Lost in Showbiz, "is that the media doesn't just focus on this one case, but looks at the whole issue of the way out-of-time cases are handled."
Good luck with that . . . If only Chezza Cole could be involved in them all. "Yes," sighs Gordon wistfully. "I feel sorry for the others."
And yet, even among such stiff competition, arguably the most absurd aspect of the whole business is the suggestion that Cowell has made a misstep in excluding Gamu.
To get some perspective on his "howler", let's consider a previous observation of reality TV ubermensch Mike Darnell, president of alternative programming for America's Fox network and a man we might reasonably decribe as post-moral. Mike was once asked if he rued anything about Who's Your Daddy?, in which an adopted woman was invited to guess which of a group of men was her father. His only regret? That the inevitable controversy the show generated was "outside the programme – so it doesn't translate into ratings".
It seems reasonable to suspect Cowell holds a similar worldview. So if the Gamu saga results in significant numbers of viewers switching off their sets in disgust, then we can start talking about missteps. But if, come Saturday night, The X Factor's ratings only increase, then I think we may chalk up another victory for Sauron, and salute him once again for creating a system so devilishly shockproof that the house always wins.